Damaged & Deadly: A World of Chaos Standalone Read online

  “You’ve become a much better sparring partner,” she teases me.

  I nudge her with my shoulder as I laugh, thankful for the easy friendship that has grown between us. “Learned from a savage. No fucking mercy during training.” I’ve gained a lot of strength and come a long way since the day I was sitting in a cell contemplating how to kill myself when she came in and saved me.

  Her throaty laughter fills the gym, making me smile even more. She’s no angel, but she became my guardian anyways. I won’t even deny having a lady boner for her.

  Not that it matters. The woman has five boyfriends to keep her busy. They are all mostly cool with each other, but possessive as hell when it comes to anyone else. After everything they’ve been through to get where they are, I can’t say I blame them.

  She scrubs her face and releases another exhausted breath, showing me just how much this is getting to her. “I just don’t understand. We declare war and he just disappears? What the fuck?”

  She’s gone through some truly horrific things, but instead of withering away into nothing, she built an empire to hunt down her enemies. Scar never backs down from a fight and this is one she has been chasing for a long time. She finally made her move only for her target to disappear.

  I sigh as I pat her knee. “I know. But we both know Romano isn’t truly gone. He’s just biding his time. He knows he fucked up. I don’t think he expected your level of retaliation.” This is a conversation we’ve all had plenty of times. Everyone inner circle is now being pulled in tight, going off grid. She hates taking people away from their families, and I know it’s slowly killing her that she can’t spend every day with her daughter, Rowan. It’s a big part of what has her so antsy.

  “Even capturing William has been no fucking help,” she swears before jumping up and starts to pace. I’ve noticed this a lot with her, she really can’t sit still. Especially when there is a puzzle that she can’t solve. Her boyfriend Noah is the same way. “Hey, have you and Noah tried tracking him together?” I’ve never met any two people better at solving problems than those two. They have to be geniuses. They can be kind of scary when they get in the zone.

  Her answering smirk is enough for me to know that I probably don’t want to know. Scar isn’t one to hold back though. “We tried but after Declan caught him reaming me from behind while I was bent over the couch, we were told we weren’t allowed to work together anymore.”

  I scoff, even as I feel my cheeks heat. “Declan has stupid rules.” Scar doesn’t have much of a filter. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard about her sexcapades. Not sure if I will ever get used to her casual ease with her sexuality.

  She grins. “It was actually Ryder. Says he can’t focus on training if my moans are filling the house.”

  “What a prick!” I laugh. “How’d that work out for him?”

  She gets this almost dreamy look in her eyes, softening her features as she thinks about her men. “Noah and Kade fucked me in the gym while Luca was training him.”

  I burst out laughing trying to imagine how Luca would react. I’m still not close to any of her guys, or any of the others really. They’re all good men, respectful and friendly, but still. I just can’t quite cope with being close to any male. Luca can be a scary mother fucker though. He’s also one of the fiercest protectors I’ve ever met. I’m still amazed that it somehow extends to me. “Did he abandon Ryder and steal you away?”

  She’s already nodding, still laughing. It’s nice to see some of the weight lifted off of her shoulders, even if just for a little bit. She puts a lot of pressure on herself. “He did and then he banned us from working together. Apparently, we can’t take it seriously enough.”

  “I don’t even want to know how you guys paid him back for that.” I swear, they never stop messing with and one upping each other. There is no submissive party in that group. It’s a bunch of alpha assholes asserting their dominance on each other in a never-ending cycle. The best part is how vastly different they all are from each other. Together, they make perfect sense though. A stunning mess.

  We sit in silence for several minutes as we catch our breath and finish our water. A lot has happened over the last few months. It’s been a whirlwind of preparations ever since Scar declared war. It’s nice to be able to sit back and just watch the guys train. It reminds me of the first few weeks I spent here.

  A lot has changed since I started coming to the gym to train with them. I’ve changed a lot. I’m more comfortable with all of them now. I’m not where I want to be, I get overwhelmed easily, I still falter when I spar with Scar. Being surrounded, especially by men, still sends anxiety through me. Ian, one of the men Scar employs, has noticed that and always readjusts himself to give me an exit. I don’t know how I feel about that.

  I usually watch them train as I catch my breath, but it’s been a while since she just sat and hung out with me as I did. I can tell Scar must have a lot on her mind because she isn’t going over there to correct anyone’s form. Even though I just saw Ryder throw a punch with his elbow too far extended. I watch her out of the corner of my eye as I try to figure out if there is more she isn’t saying. She’s been pretty good about keeping me in the loop, even if not giving me all the details. I don’t really need to know all the details, if I’m being honest. I trust her to tell me everything I need to know, and she hasn’t let me down yet. I don’t plan on doubting her now.

  After maybe ten minutes of just watching the guys spar, she finally starts talking again. “We should talk about Rachel.”

  I have a small ah ha moment at that. No wonder she’s been so quiet and pensive. I can practically see the wheels turning in her head. Rachel is known as the Snow Queen and it has nothing to do with a cold demeanor. I’ve actually heard her temper runs on the hot side. More like explosive. No, it’s her complete control of the drug production and distribution in the entire state that has earned her the nickname.

  She was once considered one of their, or I guess I should say our, closest allies. That is until she started showing too much interest in me. Luca isn’t the only fierce protector, all of Scar’s men are, but the fiercest of the lot is none other than Scar herself. After they saved me and Rachel came sniffing around, they all tightened the security around me. Protecting me before we even had started to form a bond.

  “Do you believe her?” My voice comes out sounding almost hoarse. I don’t know what to think about Rachel. Scar has given me all of the information she had on her. She was someone Luca and Kade almost considered a friend. I’m still just as confused now as I was on the day that Rachel showed up at our door stabbed and bleeding, demanding to see me. Her sister.

  I passed out when I heard the words pass her lips. Ian was the one who caught me and carried me to a guest bedroom until I came out of the mind fuck I was stuck in. At the time, I didn’t fully realize that Rachel was injured. While my mind was filling with black and my body collapsing from shock, her knees were buckling from pain and blood loss.

  I woke up to Ian at my side, his intense stare burning into me. Concern radiating out of his every pore. He kept his distance from me, but for some reason that doesn’t seem to matter with him. I can feel the way his hazel eyes follow my every move as if they were a soft touch, hovering just over my skin. Not fully pressing into me, but impossible to ignore all the same. It’s one of the reasons I’m confused about anything to do with him.

  He helped spell out the situation to me. At least partially. He didn’t have all of the information, as he sat with me instead of in the meeting where the rest of the team sorted out this latest mess. It turns out Romano wasn’t so quiet after Scar declared war. He sent a message before disappearing, it just hadn’t been in a form any of us could have anticipated.

  A long lost sister I never would have even known to hope for showing up to tell us just how real shit was about to get. It seems unreal.

  “There’s a lot that was explained to us that helped all the pieces come together after we talked to he
r and Alec.” She looks over at me and she must see the confusion written across my face because she gives me a small smile before explaining. “Alec is the guy that is always just one step behind and to the right of Rachel. Tall, dark, handsome?”

  I huff a laugh. That basically describes ninety percent of the guys in the gym currently. Even the ones with lighter features, their aura exudes darkness. Maybe not Noah and Declan. Not as much as the others anyway.

  “I’d never even met Rachel before she showed up at your house bleeding,” I remind her.

  “Fair point. Well Alec is her second in command. Their relationship is as close as mine and Luca’s.”

  “Like…” I use one hand to make a circle with my forefinger and thumb and my forefinger on the hand to point at it, moving it back and forth. “...close, close?”

  She cackles, but it’s the sound of several other surprised snorts that make my cheeks burn in embarrassment. My eyes lift to find several of the guys’ eyes on me. Specifically on the obscene gesture I was making to clarify without having to say the words.

  Thankfully, Scar is quick to throw a glare their way, and they jump back into training without another word. Fear of having her come over and be more hands on with their exercises keeping them from teasing me any further.

  “Yes, like close close,” she answers me. “They have a strong bond and I learned more from his support of her showing up at our door than anything else.” She hesitates, looking off into the distance before turning her attention back to me. “Well, that isn’t true. They clicked together some very important pieces for us. Including why Rachel always seemed to know more than she actually should. Especially about you and the fact we had you.”

  I had always wondered about that. Ever since I witnessed Scar as she went head to head with Rachel over the phone. I had a sense of dread after that phone call. That something was going to happen, I just never could have expected this. A sister.

  By the way Scar is so lost in her own head, I know she’s weighing each word that comes out of her mouth. Debating just how much she tells me here and now. I know I won’t get all the details. I also know that I don’t need them.

  “His support did tell me everything I needed to know about where her loyalty lies. If he thought for even a moment that her showing up put her in any more danger than necessary, he never would have allowed it. She would have had to go behind his back. And playing a double agent is always the most dangerous job of all.”

  “So because he was there you believe her?”

  She hums and I can tell she disagrees with the way I've simplified it. I know that nothing about the way Scar’s mind works is simple. She sees connections and hidden meanings that I would never be able to see, even after she points them out to me. She can read people and their relationships, their dynamics, understands how they think and can jump to all sorts of conclusions based on that.

  “I think they believe they have a better chance with us against Romano than on their own. That doesn’t mean they have pure intentions. It does not mean they have our trust. I still have questions that need answers before I let you get involved. I’m not about to let her use you as a pawn in a war that isn’t yours. Family or not, she has a lot to prove to me. I’m looking more into if she is your sister, and if so, just how you ended up in foster care. Alone.”

  I shrink away from her words. I’ve been alone for as long as I can remember. I don’t have any memories of a happy family. A loving touch or gentle caress. I never felt affection or was nurtured. I don’t know what it means to have a family, to be a part of something like that.

  Sure, there were a lot of days that I dreamed about a family that just didn’t know I was out there. That would love me and take me in if they found out. I hoped and prayed for that day. When someone would just give a damn about me.

  But after all that I went through. After weeks, then months, and then years as nothing more than merchandise, I stopped hoping for anything at all. I saw the ugliest pieces of humanity. The way blood turned on one another for their vices. The very worst dredges this world has to offer. Suffered at the cruelty embedded in people’s nature.

  Scar saved me from that world. The absolute blackest pits of hell. Blood has not a damn thing to do with the family I see being created around me now. Not a single one of the people around me are loyal to each other out of some relation that tells them they should be.

  Blood is thicker than water?

  Is that why it hurts so much more to be cut down by the very people who are supposed to protect you? Cause let me tell you. Living in the auction houses, you see some heinous things. I’ve seen more daughters, sisters, brothers, and sons sold than I care to admit. They ended up there because family isn’t supposed to be the ones that sell you out.

  “You don’t have to find out, Jade,” Scar soothes me back from the ledge. Her gentle tone calms some of the swirling anxiety that was building into a crescendo within my mind. “Blood doesn’t mean much to us here. You have a family, with or without her.”

  She holds my eyes and I see the sincerity of her words. It loosens the knot that has been present in my chest for a lot longer than the years I lived captive. Every day with them eases the mess in my chest just a little bit more. Gives me just enough to feel safe enough to start hoping for each day to be better than the last.

  “But for what it’s worth,” she pauses, her green eyes burning with something I can't quite name. “I think we can trust her. For now. To at least have our back in this war. Anything else we can take a day at a time. Until then, until we learn more about her past and yours as well. I don’t want you to ever be alone with her though. Deal? I don’t trust her with you.”

  I nod my head, not wanting to risk opening my mouth, too terrified I might do something embarrassing. Like cry. Or throw myself into Scar’s arms. Or both.

  I never really felt like I had anything to lose until I met the people that now surround me. I’m too scared to risk losing that on the chance that I may have a blood relative still alive that gives a damn about me.

  If Scar says we can trust Rachel for now, that’s good enough for me. I can tell there is more to it. She has more questions she wants answered before she truly lets her in. I doubt I’ll even see the woman again until Scar has fully vetted every possibility, every detail, every motivation. She won’t let her near me until Scar can predict exactly how it will go and can be prepared for every possible outcome.

  “Ciar on the other hand, is still the biggest threat to you and to Roe.” I nod, focusing on the guys as she switches gears, clearly getting what she wanted to say about Rachel off her chest. They’ve mostly stopped training and are just messing around now. Holden has Ian pinned to the ground as he tickles his sides. They’re about the same size and evenly matched.

  They are newer recruits onto her team, and as far as I can tell, best friends. The two of them, as well as Tyler, are probably the loudest of the bunch when they get together. A small smile breaks across my face at their antics. I’ve gotten used to this type of shenanigans with them.

  Tyler isn’t around as often as Ian and Holden are. I think he does other work for Scar and the guys, I’m just not sure what. The other two seem to always be around. I probably feel the most comfortable with Ian and Holden out of everyone. Even if the intensity in Ian’s gaze sometimes feels like a brand searing into my skin, making me uncomfortable. He evokes a lot of strange emotions that I don’t understand.

  I continue to watch as their laughter fills the gym. It’s hard to pull my gaze away from the two of them. Their smiles are almost infectious. Almost enough to make me forget the darkness that surrounds us.

  They would be if Scar was talking about anything other than the bane of my existence. You hear that phrase a lot it seems like. Almost always in an exaggerated, and often humorous way. Not when I think about Ciar. He really is the bane of my world. A dark mark on my history that clings to me like an anvil hanging over my head. I never get a break for the memories of him br
eaking me down. From the fear of him coming back to finish what he started.

  “We have about as many leads on him as we do on Romano.”

  “So none.” I smile, making sure there is no sting of reprimand in my comment. I’m not upset with my friend, even though I know she is. She beats herself up so much, there’s no use in the rest of us doing it. Even if she didn't though, I wouldn’t blame her. They clearly have practice at disappearing.

  “Don’t be so understanding,” she snaps.

  I shrug. “Our monsters are hunting us. We’ve known that for a while.” I finally tear my eyes away from the wrestling guys and look at her. “You’re freaking out enough for the both of us.”

  She smacks her hand against my shoulder. “Since when are you the calm one?”

  I don’t know. Since when am I? There’s nothing calm about the way his very name spikes fear through my system. It’s the exact opposite. As if ice is running through my veins as I think about how close he truly came to pushing me past the point of no return. Just how much power he held over my head and just how successful his games actually were. I don’t say any of that though. Not wanting to speak the truth into a more solid reality. As if once Scar knows all the horrors, they become a real demon I’ll never be able to outrun.

  “Since you became the neurotic one,” I tease, but it’s only half a joke. We have found that we both flip flop roles in this friendship. When one of us goes a little too far off the deep end, the other is steadfast in bringing them back.

  She rolls her eyes but continues, “We did get a tip that he hasn’t left the area.”